My year started quietly, so quietly I believed everything was falling into place, my world was shifting for good that was until I lost my cherub. Everything turned bland and empty, almost lifeless, like I said in a previous post, death had never hit close to home until now. After seeing the lifeless body of my little cherub, my world shifted, it shifted towards the realization that :
(1) Death doesn‘t care,
(2) There is always an end
(3) Life should be filled with more love and less hate, more positivity and less negativity
(4) The dead is gone, but there is always hope for the living.
This will be the first personal post I’ll make, I’ll try to make at least one once in a while. Two weeks ago I lost my little cherub, I lost the first person who brought real light into my life, I was distraught with grief, emptiness and loneliness. I made a post concerning death, I relived(I still relive) the beautiful memories, the photos, the videos and every single thing she left behind. I avoided places we had visited together, the mornings felt like nights and the nights were like nightmares. My family was worried and constantly checking on me, they didn’t know how to make me talk about the pain that was tearing me apart. There was someone who never left, who made sure coldness and silence didn’t swallow me completely, who made sure I didn’t let go and made me realize my own strength(I never ever imagined myself as a strong one until now). I remembered the look of love and joy in my cherub’s eyes whenever she saw me, the way she opened her arms for me to carry her, the way she ate every meal from my mouth. I remembered all these, together with the support of my family and special person and I realized cherub wouldn’t want me to crumble because of her death, although the loss still hurts but I took a stand and I refused to crumble. I give special thanks to my special person and my family for not leaving me alone, for believing I could overcome the wave of grief, I say thank you. My heart goes out to as many that has lost a loved one(s) and I also give a shout out to as many that chose to overcome the grief, cherish the memories left by deceased and live for a better tomorrow.
Now, life won’t get easier, death won’t stop visiting but there is always hope for the living, hope to live a fulfilled life, hope to truly LIVE, hope to live a legacy that will help and motivate others. I know there are times when the world’s weight gets heavier than usual, I know there are times when you feel like a puppet in life’s game, but I tell you there is always hope, you can get tired(it is allowed) but don’t give up (it is so not allowed), you’re gonna crash down and tumble but refuse to crumble because you were not built to break, I can assure you, you will/can get through the pain.
- Still niñaperdido on the road to recovery and self discovery.