There is an old parable that says forgiveness isn’t for one’s offender but for oneself. While it is within your rights to seek for redress in which due process must be followed, holding to such offences is toxic and detrimental to an individual’s well-being.
At one time or the other,you must have wondered (I know I have) “why am I always been asked to let go?” it smacks of selfishness and an outright disrespect of the pain of the person, after all the pain and atrocities they’ve(the offender) caused and committed,we’re just gonna let them walk away? Heck no! its so not fair. We have all had issues with forgiveness,like real issues. I used to believe holding on to the pain and turning away from my offender hid my vulnerability, but that was a lie, a giant lie. It only damaged me more and left me with more burdens than solutions,left my heart cold and filled with unspoken words, many of us heal slowly and sometimes we wonder why? How are you going to heal when you relive the offence committed against you everyday? Some people go to bed with their offenders and wake up with them, bathe with them,dine with them and breathe them in,never out. How do you heal when you reopen your wounds everyday. I have been labelled as unforgiving,wicked and stubborn in the past and for good reasons too. I spent all day analyzing each and every “crime” committed against me, what I could have done differently and most importantly,how to get back at my offender. I couldn’t eat nor sleep well, I was losing weight and feeling sick all the time. One day I sat down and asked myself “why can’t you just let go” I always believed forgiving my offender was letting them off the hook too easily how wrong I was cause what didn’t know was that holding on too long was choking me slowly but surely.
But I learned and am still learning to forgive my offender,to forgive myself for holding on for too long, to heal and most of all to let go. I discovered its all a process, an interesting,tedious,self discovery process. Healing and letting go are both different but after one comes the other, unless you teach yourself to let go, truly healing is a pipedream.
Are you hurt?
Trust me I can understand that feeling very well. I can understand the pain of betrayal and deep disappointment. I can understand the fear and most of all I can understand the scars which remind you everyday that you were shattered but I tell you today to forgive, heal and let go not for anyone else but for yourself. Its a process but you will get there ,I am getting there and am sure you will get there.